For years, I’d cringe at the word “purpose”. What is it anyway? And, what’s the big deal? That’s what I’d rehearse in my head whenever I found myself sitting in a room full of vibrant and passionate people sharing their gifts, talents, and a slew of other things they just knew that they were born to do... a feeling that I could never relate to. When the question “So, what are you good at?” came towards my direction, I’d break into a sweat, trying to think of something to share that sounded just as good and actually believable.
For as long as I can remember, this was my reality. For years I’d smile with a false sense of confidence, head held high and proud, only to realize that it was just a cover-up for what I truly lacked: understanding my purpose in God.
Like many others, I had a very detailed and timely plan for my life. By 16, I'll have a job and buy at least 2 pair of Hollister sweats to wear to school. By 18, I'll be in a 4-year college. I'll meet my husband by 21, and get married by 22. I'll start my career in accounting at 23, and have at least 2 children by 25. Again... I was very detailed (lol). But God, of course, had a great way of reminding me that my ways are not His ways, neither are my plans for my life His plans. But... I was still stubborn and I was determined to make things work my way. That's when the hole I was digging started to become deeper and deeper.
At first I didn't even realize that I was digging such a hole in my life. I thought I was making things work! Moving this and that around... shifting directions if needed... you name it. But after two bad breakups within 6 months and an empty bank account to match, I was exhausted. And to my surprise, what was expected to be a way out turned out to be a ditch with nowhere to go... but to God.
Sometimes, it's in the darkest moments of our lives where we are able to see God shine the brightest. And in those moments we experience God's love and grace and mercy and forgiveness for us. His love is strong enough to pull us out of our deepest, darkest pits and bring us back into His light!
The moment I felt that love, I was overwhelmed by how easily He forgave everything that I'd done as if it never happened. That's what allowed me to forgive myself and fully accept all that He had for me. What exactly He had for me, I had no clue. But I wanted it. And that's where my collide with purpose began.
I just wanted God.
I wanted God and whatever He had for me.
I remember sitting on the floor of my apartment after praying one night as I stared at my hands. I remember telling God that I didn't know what I was created to do with my life and that I needed Him to show me what was in my hands. I asked God to show me what my gifts were and what my true passion really was. To be honest, I asked Him for alot that night. But, I didn't want to leave anything out because I had enough faith that He would answer it all in His timing.
And, I can confidently say that those prayers were answered and are still being answered.
Overtime, I've grown to find purpose for my life with every single day that He's given me because it always starts with wanting to simply please God and give glory to Him in everything that I do. Is it easy? No way. Have I messed up a few times and wanted to go back to doing my own thing? Definitely! But, God is forever faithful, which causes me want to do better every time.
So, if you've ever struggled with understanding your purpose in God, the best thing to do is to go back to the Creator Himself. Be honest. Be vulnerable. And be open to Him.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.